[for Selina]

[daretodo]

There’s all of one reason I ever find myself on the beach, and that reason is Martha. I’m not a natural pet owner by any stretch of the imagination, but at some point, me and Martha fell into a kind of routine. She’s still dribbling water from an hour spent retrieving her favorite toy from the ocean, and I’m praying she’ll at least be somewhat dry by the time we get home. I’m trying to remember if I left the towels out in the living room when a sunbather catches my eye.

Except, as I realize when I get closer, she’s not just any sunbather. Even with the sunglasses hiding her eyes, I know that face.

“You!”

I was always taught it was rude to point, but I can’t help myself. Plus, I mean, in the grand scheme of things, I figure it’s probably ruder to rob a man blind — even if all his money is fake and he, let’s face it, kind of maybe deserved it.

The fact of the matter remains that Irena the Robbin’ Russian is apparently a real, living person and not some designer island trick.

“You!” I say again, stuck on that one word. I snap my fingers and drop my arm. “Why, I oughta—“

Oughta what, Parker? Report her? For a crime you can’t even prove, because everything disappeared? For getting the best of Tony Stark for one night? (Which, come on, you maybe got a kick out of. Just a little.)

I let out a breath, feeling my shoulders sag. I press the heel of my hand to my forehead, then wave off my accusation with a deflated gesture.

“Ah, forget it.”

Comments

[daretodo]

"Parker."

I look at her expectantly.

"What's yours?"

[purrloined]

"Kyle," she answers.

"Well, Peter Parker, if you're going to be ripping any more holes in reality, be sure to let me know what you see on the other side."

[daretodo]

Selina Kyle. Thief. Doesn't care for dogs.

Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

Except... She's not. She's clearly not. She's not Michelle Pfeiffer, but I don't think the name is just some coincidence. Look at her. (No, don't-- Don't look at her, actually.)

I try to keep my expression neutral. Okay, let's be honest: I try not to shiver at how she practically purrs my name. This is a really, really bad time to remember I have a libido. My throat goes dry and the only water to drink is a salty ocean. I swallow anyway.

My gaze slips from hers, and I say, not so smoothly, "I'll keep you in mind."

[purrloined]

"Do. So is that what you spend your time doing, here, Parker?" she asks.

"Science experiments?"

[daretodo]

"Got me."

I lift up my hands in mock surrender, fighting to get back some of my earlier edge. It's like being in a locked room with a bear. I can't afford to lose focus. She's beautiful. She's age appropriate. And she'll never, ever be interested. The sooner I get that in my head, the sooner I can remember all over again that I am single for a reason.

"Just your friendly neighborhood scientist."

[purrloined]

"Uh huh. You ever notice when people have to add adjectives onto things, it's usually not true?" Selina muses.

"Harmless fun. Rational debate. Innocent bystander." She tilts her head to look at Peter, silently adding Friendly neighborhood scientist to the list, but managing to convey the thought nonetheless.

[daretodo]

I hitch a thumb at my face, even if I'm not sure it's a great idea to call attention to it.

"Do you really think this mug screams evil scientist?"

[purrloined]

"Sounds like something an evil scientist would say," Selina counters, pointing a little and maybe smirking a touch.

The dog is back.

"No," she says, holding a hand up flat to stop it from getting too lose to her warm, dry patch. Once it's clear she's not about to be pounds on, though, she does reach a hand out to scritch the animal gently behind its ear.

"What happened to the friend?"

[daretodo]

Martha plops down, panting, and her toy rolls out of her mouth and onto the sand. Break time.

"Who, Tony?" I ask, keeping a careful eye on the two of them. I doubt she'd be able to steal a dog the size of Martha out from under my nose in plain daylight, but I can't be too careful. "He lived, believe it or not. After you robbed him. Like a thief. Which you are."

[purrloined]

"Still no proof," Selina says, unbothered by the accusation but looking pleased at the memory.

"And I didn't mean Stark, I meant the friend whose dog this was. That's what you said, isn't it?"

[daretodo]

My expression immediately shutters.

"She disappeared," I say tersely. "This place does that."

[purrloined]

"What do you mean this place does that?" Selina prompts, pushing herself up to sit back on her heels, watching him. Sore spot, obviously, but she doesn't actually care about the details of his departed friend.

How they went, and why, that might be relevant to her interests though.

[daretodo]

"You show up, you disappear. Same principal applies. It's random. We assume you get sent back home."

This might be wishful thinking on our part, but there's no hard evidence either way. I give her a hard, bitter smile. "Spend enough time with me and you'll probably vanish inside of a year."

[purrloined]

So he's lost a lot of people. If she possessed the capacity, she's sure she would have really felt for him.

"Is that a promise?" she says instead, tone slightly flat. She turns her head and looks over the beach, glittering and spotless and dull.

"....how do people live here?" She looks back at Peter.

[daretodo]

"It's a life. Some people are pretty happy here." I shrug, almost laughing because the thought seems absurd.

"I guess it depends on how you choose to approach it. Glass half-full or glass half-empty." A beat. "Also, there are an alarming number of bars per capita."

[purrloined]

"But no capital to speak of," she sighs.

"No roads, no actual commerce. Just a bunch of people, what, doing each other favors in exchange for home-brewed booze?"

Selina hasn't seen any violence since she's gotten there. No fights breaking out, no nothing. It's... strange.

[daretodo]

"Something like that," I say. "I mean, sometimes they're just doing each other, period, but that's pretty much the gist of it."

It doesn't hit me until a second later that I actually said that out loud. I promptly clear my throat.

"And then, when you least expect it," I continue, trying to rally, "something insanely awful happens to you, and you start praying for things to turn boring again for a couple of months. Welcome to Tabula Rasa. Hope you survive the experience."

[purrloined]

Selina raises an eyebrow at him but otherwise stifles any reaction.

"I'm notoriously hard to kill."

[daretodo]

"Then you'll fit right in."

Martha rolls onto her side, getting herself covered in sand. I'm already dreading having to wash her later. She barely fits into the shower at home.

"Disappearance is statistically more likely."

Not that I haven't been touched by both.

[purrloined]

"Good to know," Selina says, and is quiet a moment before venturing, "explains all the empty houses lying around, I guess."

[daretodo]

"Well, I bet they were empty after you paid 'em a visit," I say, not letting it go.

You'd think already knowing a cat burglar would've prepped me for this, but she's different than Felicia. Guarded in different ways. I guess there's no set personality type for the criminal set.

[purrloined]

She shoots him a frank and frankly sassy, close lipped smile.

"I have standards."

She doesn't go rooting around in dusty abandoned huts, that's for sure.

[daretodo]

"Doth my ears deceive me?"

I cup my ear, making a big show of listening. "Was that a teensy, tiny admission that you are, in fact, a thief?"

[purrloined]

"I don't think so," she says, tilting her head to one side, pouting, pursing her lips in thought and tucking her hands between her knees.

"If a house is abandoned and empty, how could someone steal from it? A lot of them could use some upkeep, though. I haven't found one, yet."

[daretodo]

"The nicer ones are in the Green Arrow Es--"

I catch myself before finishing the thought. I mime zipping my mouth shut. Jessica lives in the GAE. I might have some existential issues where she's concerned, but I don't want Catwoman to be her neighbor.

"There are no nice ones, you're right. It's all.. Rotting and gross. Better have a new one built in the middle of nowhere."