[for Tony]

[daretodo]

I play my encounter with Selina cool until I can get Martha home, washed, fed and watered. But the thing is, it nags at me. It's not the sort of news a guy sits on, if only because...

Well, let's face it: there's not a lot of news around these parts that isn't depressing.

But this is better than good news. It's interesting news, and the only ears around to listen are Martha's, and she passes out in her doggy bed shortly after she's slobbered all over the kitchen.

So I do the only thing that makes any sense, which is tuck the dog in for the night, lock up, and follow the sound of classic rock blaring through the jungle to find Tony Stark.

I'm all nervous energy by the time I get to the Scrapyard, barking at Jarvis, "Turn down that noise, wouldja?" before I head straight to Tony and clap my hands to his shoulders, looking him right in the eye.

"You will not believe who I just met."

Comments

[daretodo]

"I tell you Catwoman's on the island and you're asking about the Bat?"

I give Tony a dubious look. "I dunno. I've never actually seen the new one with the American Psycho guy. Just the trailers. Did they make sequels?" A beat. "Of course they made sequels. Is she in the sequels? Do we have to have a Batmovie night? Is it creepy if we do?"

[notawastedlife]

"Not in the one I saw, I'm just guessing. It could be a whole different franchise. It'd just have... a certain symmetry," Tony said, lifting his hands to wave them in a vague circle to indicate said symmetry.

"Maybe we should, though, it'd give me peace of- I got robbed by Catwoman," he said, suddenly arriving at the thought with a high degree of relish.

[daretodo]

"In fake magic Vegas no less," I say, nodding slowly, 'cause he's finally getting it.

"She ate you for breakfast. Or..." I trail off, flapping a hand. "A late dinner, I guess. Anyway, I knew something was off about her. Professional hazard."

I know a lot of crooks, it has to be said.

[notawastedlife]

"We never actually got to the eating," Tony said, making a slightly disappointed face.

"Which- not the point, the point is, legitimate supervillain. I didn't get taken by some Vegas thief- you thought I was just some mug. I got Catwoman'd. Catwoman'd."

[daretodo]

I crinkle my nose a little, because that's a bit of information I could've done without.

"Liiiiike you were just some mug," I point out. "You're a mark. Bad foot to get off on." A beat. "Or-- You know what I mean."

[notawastedlife]

"She robs Batman," Tony said, waggling his finger back and forth, "she robs museums of incredibly rare museum... items. An entire crowd of people and she picked me. I was carefully selected as the most worthwhile person to... match wits with."

[daretodo]

"No, you were carefully selected as the most worthwhile person to rob blind, 'cause you've got 'billionaire rich guy' stamped across your forehead," I tell him, rolling my eyes. "Dude, I'd rob you. Anyone one with eyes would rob you. And not 'cause you think you're her flavor of Batman."

File that one under: things I never thought I'd say.

[notawastedlife]

"Most worthwhile opponent, right," Tony said, cheerfully recrafting the central message to one he was happy with.

"...I should beef up security. It's fairly beefy, but- Jarvis, make a note."

[daretodo]

I roll my eyes, taking the opportunity to look around us. There's definitely plenty to steal, that's for sure.

"That's... probably a good idea," I admit, scratching the back of my head. "I kinda accidentally told her that the GAE was the nicest neighborhood in town. Some schmuck's bound to mention this place sooner or later."

[notawastedlife]

"This place is fine," Tony said, "I have dogs. Well, I have... wolf... dog... I have giant canine services," he said, waving vaguely at where he thought Annagovia was (she wasn't), "dogs trump cats, right? The house is where I keep the nice toys. You didn't mention the house, right?"

[daretodo]

"You're in the clear," I say, waving off his concern. I think he's overestimating his security services -- I got past it, and while I've definitely picked up a few of Felicia's tricks, breaking and entering isn't a specialty, no matter what the Bugle publishes.

"You didn't mention the armor to her?"

I tap my chest. "Or what runs it?"

[notawastedlife]

"Mention... the armor?" Tony said. What, like he did that all the time? Just blurted it out on the slightest provocation?

"I didn't mention the armor. More than once. Or twice. But no specifics. Well. Mostly no... some specifics."

[daretodo]

I stare at him blankly. I'm not even surprised.

"You're impossible," I tell him, throwing up my hands. "Remind me to wave at her when she flies off with your armor."

[notawastedlife]

"You'll be waving without your web-squirters," he said, "I told her about you, too."

He kept a straight face, although this was in fact a complete fabrication intended entirely to mess with Pete.

[daretodo]

I suck in a sharp breath. Then I realize, "No, you didn't."

He didn't, right?

No.

He couldn't have. And I'll tell you why he couldn't have.

"No way you would've taken the focus off yourself for that long."

[notawastedlife]

Spoilsport.

"And also because I value your- I'm not talking about some other guy in the moment, I don't know why you say it like it's unreasonable," Tony said.

[daretodo]

"Aw, you value my privacy?"

Commence feeling like a jerk in three, two, one.

"That's sweet of you, pal."

[notawastedlife]

"Absurd need not to take your due credit, yes, it really is," Tony said, overlapping Peter, nodding along.

[daretodo]

I laugh a little, short and sweet, rolling my eyes.

"Thanks," I add.

"Knew I was friends with you for a reason."