http://getemtiger.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] getemtiger.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] daretodo 2010-01-11 07:26 am (UTC)

"Jesus, Peter," Mary Jane exhaled, fixing her gaze on the ceiling for a few seconds in the hopes that it would keep her from getting all worked up again, but it was useless. Already she'd been just barely holding herself together, and she was so, so tired; between the relief and the worry and the absolutely overwhelming guilt she still felt, she just didn't have the energy to stay the strong one.

Only dimly aware of the fact that she'd begun to cry again, breaths coming short and ragged, though she managed to hold back any sobs, she looked at him wordlessly for what at least felt like a long time. There were too many things she wanted to say to him, none of which she thought she could. He didn't need to hear just how much she blamed herself, not when he was talking like that, but she couldn't lie to him and say that she didn't, either. At a loss, she gripped the edge of the bed, close to his hand but still not quite touching it. She'd screwed up enough already to not want to risk making it worse, and she wasn't sure she could handle his pulling away from her again.

"I love you, too," she murmured, the first true, coherent thing that came to mind, even as it dawned on her that the last time she'd told him she loved him, she had also been telling him to let her die. Dwelling on that now really wasn't going to help matters any. "And I promise you, this is all going to be okay, so please try not to -" Regardless of what she was asking of him, it was too late for her to stop crying, and though she closed her eyes, she made no effort to hide it. There was just no point.

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