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A Merry Marvel Debut
“So, in this land that time forgot somewhere in Antarctica…what’ve we got to look forward to?”
We’re all of us crowded in the Quinjet. Iron Man’s at the wheel and me, Cap, Spider-Woman – no relation to yours truly – and Luke Cage are sitting at the back like some seriously deranged Little League team. Truth be told, I’ve been expecting the question ever since I got off the freaky future phone with Mary Jane. See, it’s Luke here’s first trip to the Savage Land and he’s been sceptical as to its existence ever since it came up on Spider-Woman’s computer.
Ah, to be that innocent again.
As for me? Well, I’m just hoping we aren’t all gonna to die. Doing my best to chew my nails through my costume, I reply, “All kinds of mutates and dinosaurs and big cheetahs and a surprising amount of acceptable nudity.”
“Are you #$%$ing me?”
“No,” I say. “But it doesn’t matter – we probably won’t survive the crash.”
“What crash?”
“You don’t go to the Savage Land without crashing.”
Without turning around, Iron Man interjects, “You’ve never been there with me driving.”
In spite of his words, my spider-sense is going off the charts. He couldn’t have been less comforting. He’s like the band on the Titanic, right now, that’s how comforting he is. Famous last words to die by. Jeez, I really have made it to the big leagues.
“Uh huh…”
“Seat belts.”
“Yeah, that’ll help.”
The jet suddenly pitches forwards and then we’re upside down. Spider-Woman lets out an incoherent shriek -- or was that me? Either way, the noise is loud enough that I could’ve been singing the ‘Star-Spangled Banner’ at the top of my lungs and the only thing I would’ve heard is the sound of a dying cat in a jet engine. Above the din, I can faintly hear the metallic voice of Iron Man say, “Almost there… Almost there…”
And, then, sure enough, we’re there. It all happens so fast that I barely remember it. One second I’m hanging upside down and praying to God I don’t wet my suit. The next, the five of us are standing outside of the Quinjet and admiring the scenery. And what scenery it is. It’s really a shame about the inevitable death that goes hand-in-hand with being here. It’d make for one heckuva vacation spot.
Clapping a very manly hand to my shoulder, ol’ Shell-Head says to me, “See?”
“I stand corrected.”
Which is entirely the wrong thing to say because that’s right about the time that the Quinjet explodes, the force of the blast sending me and mine flying. I quickly shoot off a web to a nearby tree, pulling myself up and out of the line of fire. Only, as I soon discover, there’s a fundamental flaw to this plan. For whatever reason, I can’t stick the landing and so, my arms wheeling like windmills, I fall a good fifteen feet before the ground decides to break my fall.
“My back,” I croak, as I pull my sorry butt out of the foliage. “My poor, poor back.”
(Some dialogue comes from New Avengers #4 by Brian Michael Bendis.)
We’re all of us crowded in the Quinjet. Iron Man’s at the wheel and me, Cap, Spider-Woman – no relation to yours truly – and Luke Cage are sitting at the back like some seriously deranged Little League team. Truth be told, I’ve been expecting the question ever since I got off the freaky future phone with Mary Jane. See, it’s Luke here’s first trip to the Savage Land and he’s been sceptical as to its existence ever since it came up on Spider-Woman’s computer.
Ah, to be that innocent again.
As for me? Well, I’m just hoping we aren’t all gonna to die. Doing my best to chew my nails through my costume, I reply, “All kinds of mutates and dinosaurs and big cheetahs and a surprising amount of acceptable nudity.”
“Are you #$%$ing me?”
“No,” I say. “But it doesn’t matter – we probably won’t survive the crash.”
“What crash?”
“You don’t go to the Savage Land without crashing.”
Without turning around, Iron Man interjects, “You’ve never been there with me driving.”
In spite of his words, my spider-sense is going off the charts. He couldn’t have been less comforting. He’s like the band on the Titanic, right now, that’s how comforting he is. Famous last words to die by. Jeez, I really have made it to the big leagues.
“Uh huh…”
“Seat belts.”
“Yeah, that’ll help.”
The jet suddenly pitches forwards and then we’re upside down. Spider-Woman lets out an incoherent shriek -- or was that me? Either way, the noise is loud enough that I could’ve been singing the ‘Star-Spangled Banner’ at the top of my lungs and the only thing I would’ve heard is the sound of a dying cat in a jet engine. Above the din, I can faintly hear the metallic voice of Iron Man say, “Almost there… Almost there…”
And, then, sure enough, we’re there. It all happens so fast that I barely remember it. One second I’m hanging upside down and praying to God I don’t wet my suit. The next, the five of us are standing outside of the Quinjet and admiring the scenery. And what scenery it is. It’s really a shame about the inevitable death that goes hand-in-hand with being here. It’d make for one heckuva vacation spot.
Clapping a very manly hand to my shoulder, ol’ Shell-Head says to me, “See?”
“I stand corrected.”
Which is entirely the wrong thing to say because that’s right about the time that the Quinjet explodes, the force of the blast sending me and mine flying. I quickly shoot off a web to a nearby tree, pulling myself up and out of the line of fire. Only, as I soon discover, there’s a fundamental flaw to this plan. For whatever reason, I can’t stick the landing and so, my arms wheeling like windmills, I fall a good fifteen feet before the ground decides to break my fall.
“My back,” I croak, as I pull my sorry butt out of the foliage. “My poor, poor back.”
(Some dialogue comes from New Avengers #4 by Brian Michael Bendis.)
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It's only a theory. Until I can try and call out the Staff of One, it's only an idea, and when Phoenix starts yelling, it yanks me back to reality and I'm only too glad to comply. Thinking about this now's a good way to get myself killed, but running? Running works. "I think we're gonna need more than some rocks to hide behind!"
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"Dat's assuming we all hide together, pup," I say, keeping both eyes out for alternate routes. Despite my words, I stick close to de gang, at least for now. Dey're all professionals (with the possible exception of Wolverine), not exactly a liability just yet.
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"I'm not sure we should all split up completely," she called, the tremble in her voice revealing her wariness. Having been the one of them closest to being dinosaur food, she figured she was allowed to be that freaked out. "I, for one, don't want to be on my own out here."
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"Possibly because you're not moving past them at speed, sir. Speaking of which, it appears we're not alone out here."
Tony blinked, and then fished the remote for activating the collars out of his pocket. Nothing to worry about, this time, because-
"That's not- those are people. There are people?"
no subject
Spider-Man holding some woman in a wedding dress. Phoenix. That Gambit guy from the X-Men. The screaming chick from X-Factor -- Siryn? And, just to top everything off, there's Nico and a guy who could pass for Wolverine if he wasn't busy cowering underneath Captain America's shield.
"Oh my God." I turn to look at Tony and Yorick, eyes wide. "That's... I know them! Well, I know of them, at least. Jesus...that's, like, half of home right there!"
And a T-Rex. Half of home and a T-Rex. Figures.
no subject
"Is that Spider-Man!?" he exclaimed. "...Wait, is that a T-Rex!?"
Ampersand scrambled up the back of his head, and then back down when he caught sight of the giant fucking lizard.
"We should run, right? I mean, we're all superheroes here, but...this is one of those times when you run. Look, I mean...what is that, a scruffy looking Captain America? I don't get it. But he's running!"
(And okay, so maybe Yorick wasn't a superhero, but he was given a cool alias for a day, so it kind of counted. He bet Jarvis would have his back, anyway.)
no subject
He raised his hand so that the remote was pointing over his shoulder at the T-Rex, which was closing fast. Jarvis was saying something about proximity. Tony ignored him and pressed the button.
Nothing happened.
The Tyrannosaurus bore down on him. Tony looked at the remote, noted that the indicator light was off, and then smacked the bottom of the unit into the palm of his hand. The light turned on.
The T-Rex opened wide, massive mouth appearing in his peripheral vision, dipped down in preparation to bite-
-and then its head jerked to the side, as if some massive force had punched it in the side of its face. Involuntary muscle spasm caused by the large jolt of electricity, simple, really.
"Bad dog," Tony told it, as it roared and veered away, probably confused as to how the fence had moved. If it had enough smarts, which was... questionable. "No biscuit."
He tossed the remote in the air again, caught it, and looked brightly at everyone. "So I guess you guys know me, huh? Well, a me, not necessarily this- we should chat. Have a pow-wow."
no subject
But not for long.
"We did not just get saved by @!$%#ing IRON MAN!"