[for Pepper] carry that weight

[daretodo]

"Forty-eight... Forty-nine... Fifty... Fifty-one," I count steadily under my breath, a push-up accompanying each number. This isn't something I'd have to do at home, my patrols of the city enough to keep me in shape without even trying, but I can't say the same for here. My sessions with Cap are ramping up -- not to mention a heckuva lot more challenging than I'd ever let on -- but he told me on the very first day that I can do the sit-ups and push-ups on my own time. If improving my balance is his initial focus, then strengthening my core seems like one of the brighter ideas I've had lately.

"Fifty-two... Fifty-three... Fifty-four... Fifty-five..."

I'm out on the terrace, wanting the fresh air from having been cooped in the workshop for the better part of the morning, and not having gotten very far in much of anything. It's easier to think when I'm not trying, sometimes, when I can get lost in something physical. I'm not a computer. I can't work in a vacuum, and hope to pull an answer to an impossible question out of nowhere. So I take my distractions where I can get them, push myself in a more productive way than enforced insomnia, and hope to draw my attention away from the constant gnawing pain that Mary Jane's left in her absence, at least for a little while.

"Fifty-six... Fifty-seven... Fifty-eight... Fifty-nine... Sixty..."

Comments

[wildlyconflicted]

Living with someone is not a guarantee that you'll spend much time speaking to them. This Pepper had already been familiar with by way of giving Tony the cold shoulder in the past, and she'd known to expect it with Peter. Never had she deluded herself into thinking that he'd move into the house and everything would be okay, but it surprised her how much the emotional distance bothered her, having not anticipated the effect of having it made so obvious on a daily basis.

The part of her that wanted to leave well enough alone was constantly warring with the part of her that cared too much to do so, creating a sort of tentative conscientiousness with which she approached her new house guest. She took care to afford Peter opportunities to reach out, but didn't count on their earning anything for her trouble.

"I've just made coffee, if you want some," she said from the terrace doorway, manicured fingers poised on the knob.

[daretodo]

I look up without stopping, my hair falling across my forehead and into my eyes. Blinking, I exhale upwards to blow it out of the way, keeping count in my head instead of aloud. Pepper's presence alone is another distraction, splintering my attention away from the one thing it seems to gravitate towards no matter what, and I find myself, in the moment, grateful.

"In a bit?" I reply, managing an increasingly rare apologetic expression. "I'm a little..." Changing my mind halfway through sixty-five, I let my knees drop to the ground, and push myself up to kneeling. I'm flushed, but not breathless. "You know what? Sure."

[wildlyconflicted]

After a moment's pause, Pepper nodded and then stepped back inside the house, heels clicking sharply on tile as she crossed to the kitchen. She assumed Peter would follow, if only because of how warm it was outside.

The coffee maker was one of Tony's inventions, thrown together like an afterthought, and while it might have lacked the aesthetic appeal of the one they'd left in Malibu, it did the job just as well. With Tony down at the scrapyard, it was just Peter and herself, and Pepper set about pouring them each a measure of freshly-brewed coffee into a couple of the mugs she'd long ago pilfered from the Compound.

[daretodo]

Not having the forethought to bring a towel with me, I tug off my shirt to press my face into the mostly-dry white cotton instead, following Pepper by the click-click-click of her heels rather than by sight alone. With the amount of time I've been spending outside, lately, I'm starting to wonder if it wouldn't just be worth my while to start shaving again. It's hot in this weather, like wearing a scarf in the middle of July, but it's become something of a security blanket; that I don't have cause to be looking in the mirror every day is just an added bonus.

Draping my shirt over my shoulder when I step into the kitchen, I pull one of the mugs towards me, but don't yet make to take sip, instead, planting a hand on the edge of the counter to lean against it. I'm not particularly self-conscious, but one look at prim and proper Pepper makes me feel immediately out of place. I've been here for weeks, now, but there's little about the mansion itself that sets me at ease. Maybe that's the point; it's not supposed to feel like home.

No reminders, Tony said.

"Thanks."

[wildlyconflicted]

"You're welcome," Pepper answered, and afforded Peter a long look from over the top of her cup as she waited for it to cool. His constant need to have something to focus on, she could easily enough understand. The beard, however, was an entirely different kettle of fish.

"I'm not sure if anyone told you," she casually began, offering a faint smile, "but living in the mountains doesn't actually require you growing a beard."

[daretodo]

"Had the beard before I lived in the mountains," I point out, scratching my jaw with one hand. It's itchy. Glancing down into my mug to see my reflection in the surface of the coffee, though, I have to frown a little; I look, in a word, awful. (And on my way to looking a heckuva lot like Kaine, which is a frightening prospect. While Jessica can pull off the long hair like a champ, I'm not sure I want to attempt that guy's beard, even if he is technically me.)

"...okay, yeah, it is a bit much," I concede a beat later, catching her gaze. A smile that could qualify as teasing in another life briefly tugs at the corners of my mouth, and I add, "How do you think I'd look with a goatee?"

[wildlyconflicted]

"Peter Parker, the hillbilly comedian," Pepper remarked, wry smile pressed to the lip of her cup before she took a first, tentative sip. She lingered over the coffee and the thought a moment, and tilted her head in consideration.

"I think you should do it. The reaction alone would be worth it." Lifting one shoulder, she motioned to Peter with her free hand. "Alternately, you can stick with this and hope to be cast in a ZZ Top video."

[daretodo]

My eyes widen, and I look back down into the cup.

"Hey, it's not that bad," I protest, head tilting to the side to get a better look at my reflection. With my free hand, I prod at my beard; sure, it's been growing out for a couple months, but it's still more Survivor contestant than ZZ Top. "I'll just... probably need some hedge-clippers to sculpt it down some, is all."

[wildlyconflicted]

"Well, not yet. But I have faith in you," said Pepper, still smiling as she tapped idly against her mug with a fingernail. "If you're going to go beard, you might as well go full beard. Just think of all the children you could entertain during the Christmas season."

[daretodo]

She doesn't mean anything by it. It's a joke, idle conversation, but the reminder of Christmas is about the last thing I needed, even if there's no real way Pepper could've known. The holiday season was rough enough with MJ around, and I don't want to think of what it'll be like without her, particularly given our memorable Christmas Eve two years ago. We got married during the summer, maybe -- and a part of me's already dreading August -- but Christmas Day was when we got together, when we tried to make a real go at our relationship after the disastrous first attempt.

Not that the second attempt ended much better.

I gulp down half the coffee in one go to cover up the lull, burning my tongue in the process. Wincing, I say, "Hot."

[wildlyconflicted]

Apparently levity was right out, then, which was disconcerting in several ways, not the least being that nearly half her lifetime spent with Tony had conditioned her to that end. Peter had made it clear he didn't want to talk about how he was feeling, and it would seem there was no room for jokes, either.

Or maybe just not her jokes.

Pepper watched Peter for a long moment, eyes sharp and discerning but mouth firmly closed. She'd been trying so hard to reach out, to be a comfort or support, right from the start, even when it meant facing down Peter's indiscriminate emotional tempests. She'd opened her home, adjusted her entire life to try and make his loss even a fraction more bearable, only to watch the bond he had with Tony get stronger as her own seemed to be failing altogether.

It was utterly exhausting, and for the first time in a very long while, Pepper wanted nothing more than to be back home again. At least on that count they were of the same mind.

"Careful," she quietly reminded him, and reached out to give his arm a gentle squeeze as she passed back out of the kitchen, cup in hand.

[daretodo]

"Wait, Pepper, you don't have to--" I call after her, guilt hitting me like a brick wall. She'd been trying, she didn't mean anything by it, and the truth is, I don't feel like being alone right now, at least not because I've driven someone else away. I know that's not why Mary Jane disappeared, that this place (probably) doesn't work like that, but there are still nights I wonder if she didn't get swept away because of me.

Looking around the kitchen, trying to come with an actual excuse for Pepper to stick around that isn't something as stupid as I'm lonely, please don't go, I blurt out, "Have you eaten?"

[wildlyconflicted]

Even on the island, Pepper tends to stay to a fairly regimented schedule. As with her life back in California, this is more about Tony than herself, old habits she's reluctant to break. She knows exactly when she's going to eat because eating is something that Tony regularly forgets about if she doesn't remind him.

Today isn't any different, but as she pauses in the kitchen doorway with a considering downward tilt of her chin, she recognizes at least partially what Peter is trying to do.

"Not yet," she replies after a pause, and turns to arch a curious brow at Peter over her shoulder.

[daretodo]

"I'm not a master chef, but I could throw something together?" I offer, setting my mug back down on the counter, as I take a step towards her. It's true, what I said. Baking's more my speed -- it's just like chemistry -- but it's not something I do particularly often; it eats up too much time I could spend doing other things. Still, I've lived alone enough to know how to fend for myself, even if fending for myself often just involved getting take-out, and pointedly avoiding the lone, moldy piece of cheese in my fridge.

His name was Kevin.

"It'll be perfectly edible, I promise," I add.

[wildlyconflicted]

"I'm sure it will be," Pepper allows with a brief quirk of her mouth, then turns to more fully face Peter again. "Alright," she assents with a slight nod, and sweeps a bit of hair back from her cheek. "I'd offer to help, but considering my dubious culinary experience, it would probably end up a bad idea for us both. But I can set the table and clean up after."

[daretodo]

I smile then, brief but genuine, and I nod quickly as I start to open up cabinets, almost afraid that if I stop to breathe, she'll leave me to my own devices. I haven't been the most welcoming of house guests, too eager to bury myself in work than entertain my hosts, and maybe this is just more of the same, but at least this work -- if it can even be called that -- is more open to outside observers.

"What do we have in here, anyway?" I ask, looking at her from over my shoulder.

[wildlyconflicted]

"Not much. I wasn't kidding when I said it's a bad idea for me to cook," she replies and then affords a brief nod to the eccentric-looking refrigerator. "I think there's some leftover shrimp and pasta, some fruit and things for salad."

She steps to one of the cabinets and begins rifling through the modest contents. "We don't keep much in the way of spices. Salt and pepper, and I may have some garlic… ah." Half a bulb in hand, she turns and offers an apologetic smile. "Honestly, even if you just heated some of the leftovers up, it would be fine."

[daretodo]

"...I can reheat leftovers," I say, blinking at the bulb of garlic, and letting out a quiet, disbelieving laugh. Even having stayed here for weeks, I never paid much attention to the kitchen, usually finding my meals elsewhere, but now I'm not sure if it's something I can ignore. I've lived in bachelor pads better stocked than this, and that is saying something.

"And it won't even take me three hours."

[wildlyconflicted]

"You're doing better than Tony, then," Pepper replies with a soft chuckle, and replaces the garlic in the cupboard, where it will likely stay until it sprouts and she has to throw it out. She isn't entirely sure why she brought it up to the house in the first place.

"Did I tell you about the birthday cake?" she asks as she moves to pull down some plates instead. "He's never allowed in the kitchen again."

[daretodo]

"At least he remembered your birthday?" I offer, grabbing the leftovers out of the fridge. "I mean, I had to tell him, but I'm pretty sure he only hears half of what I say, anyway, so it's still pretty impressive, you have to admit."

[wildlyconflicted]

"I seem to recall you chastising me for holding Tony to a different standard than everyone else," Pepper replies, her attention still fixed on collecting place settings but a small smile curving her lips. "It had strawberries on it. I'm allergic to strawberries. Not sure impressive is the world I would use, there."

[daretodo]

"Touché, Ms. Potts," I say, filing away that bit of information for later. Ex-nay on the strawberries, then. "I'm hardly about to argue with such impeccable logic as that."