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There is no concept of time. Seconds, minutes, hours -- all meaningless. (Am I dead?) I'm aware only of pain, white and hot, searing mercilessly through every inch of my body. (Make it stop.) At first the sounds are indistinct -- snippets of hushed conversations, the shuffle of footsteps across the floor, the quiet, unsteady sobs of someone crying. Through the pain, infinite stretches on. (Please, make it stop.) The sounds become sharper -- the scrape of a chair, the catch in a woman's voice, my name on someone's lips. (Shouldn't hurt so much, why does it hurt so much? My God, make it stop.)
The black of the void turns to red. (I'm waking up -- not dead, then. Why?) There's a hand on my own, the pressure, however slight, almost too much to bear. (Don't want to wake up. Let go, let go, let go.) I try to speak, but find I can't. My voice dies in my throat. (Can I die, too?) I can't open my eyes, can't move at all -- I'm bound, constricted. (Listen to yourself.) I need to move. (You need to live, you lucky fool.) Reality comes back to me in dribs and drabs, memories sliding into place like the pieces of a puzzle -- a fall, a fight, a fire. (No, don't want to remember. Don't make me remember. Hurts too much, hurts too much.) My pulse takes a sudden jump, leftover panic pumping adrenaline through my veins, and soon -- at least, I think it's soon, because I still can't tell, there's still no time -- there's more than pain. There's control. (You promised, Peter. You promised her.) With a shallow, shuddering breath that burns my lungs, my eyes flutter open, and I take in my dim, fuzzy surroundings without comprehension. (That's it, push through the pain.)
"Wh--?" It's not speech in the strictest sense, little more than an exhale. (Try again.) Hours, minutes, seconds later. "Where...?"
The black of the void turns to red. (I'm waking up -- not dead, then. Why?) There's a hand on my own, the pressure, however slight, almost too much to bear. (Don't want to wake up. Let go, let go, let go.) I try to speak, but find I can't. My voice dies in my throat. (Can I die, too?) I can't open my eyes, can't move at all -- I'm bound, constricted. (Listen to yourself.) I need to move. (You need to live, you lucky fool.) Reality comes back to me in dribs and drabs, memories sliding into place like the pieces of a puzzle -- a fall, a fight, a fire. (No, don't want to remember. Don't make me remember. Hurts too much, hurts too much.) My pulse takes a sudden jump, leftover panic pumping adrenaline through my veins, and soon -- at least, I think it's soon, because I still can't tell, there's still no time -- there's more than pain. There's control. (You promised, Peter. You promised her.) With a shallow, shuddering breath that burns my lungs, my eyes flutter open, and I take in my dim, fuzzy surroundings without comprehension. (That's it, push through the pain.)
"Wh--?" It's not speech in the strictest sense, little more than an exhale. (Try again.) Hours, minutes, seconds later. "Where...?"
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Date: 2010-01-10 04:32 am (UTC)He was going to die, and it was going to be all her fault.
After all that time, the sound of a voice, however faint, was more than enough to get her attention. Immediately, her eyes widened, gaze lifting to Peter's face as she sucked in a deep breath, feeling suddenly like her heart had stopped beating in her chest, the way it was supposed to have two days before. Half-convinced she had finally dozed off and this was all just some dream, she shook her head, eyes brimming with tears before she could even get any words out. "Peter?" she asked, quiet, but with an urgency to her voice all the same. She needed this to be real, needed to know he could make it through this no matter how unlikely it had seemed. There would be more important things to focus on soon, but just then, getting a doctor didn't matter quite so much as getting a little peace of mind. "Pete. You're - you're awake?"
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Date: 2010-01-10 06:28 am (UTC)"Where...?" I ask again, stronger than last time, but frantic still.
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Date: 2010-01-10 06:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-10 08:16 am (UTC)"Calm." It's clearer, now, both my voice and my vision, Mary Jane cutting a sharp figure in contrast to the shapeless backdrop of the darkened clinic. (Osborn happened, that's what.) My skin sensitive to the touch, I'm suddenly very conscious of her thumb against my hand and the IV sticking into my arm -- I try to pull away from both, and I don't get very far from either.
"The clinic," I say, and it all comes back to me in a rush, the whole terrible ordeal -- the explosions and the screams and the blood -- much as I prefer it didn't. "The clinic. How long have I been out? Are you--? Tony?" The words tear themselves from my throat, each one an effort in and of itself, though it draws my attention away from every other ache and pain enough that I'm grateful for the distraction. (Welcome back to the world of the living.)
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Date: 2010-01-10 08:40 am (UTC)"I'm fine," she promised weakly, because it was about the only thing she could say, no matter how far from the truth it was. He meant physically, and in that context, at least -- when compared to him -- there wasn't really anything wrong at all. "And Tony's... well, he's gonna make it." That wasn't the important part, though, and with so much else to tell, she had to keep talking, focusing on the facts before her own feelings. "It's been two days, Peter."
She tried, she honestly did, but that quickly, any hope she'd had of retaining some semblance of composure was gone. Head lowering so she wouldn't have to look at him, Mary Jane began to cry, and not really the way she had been on and off while sitting at his bedside. This was the no holds barred kind of sobbing only appropriate for someone who'd just faced her own death and spent two days beside an unconscious boyfriend, who was as unsure of herself with him awake as she had been while waiting for him to open his eyes. It wasn't fair, she knew, to be making him deal with this now, but as much as she might've wanted to, she was too tired to make more of an effort. "I'm sorry," she choked out, a hand lifting to her mouth. "I'm so sorry, I can't -"
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Date: 2010-01-10 09:07 pm (UTC)"Shh, shh, shh," I murmur, and I lift the hand she just let go of, though she's too far away for me to reach, now. "It's okay, you have nothing to apologize for, it's okay."
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Date: 2010-01-10 09:44 pm (UTC)"Peter, no," she murmured, gently lowering his hand back onto the mattress, swallowing hard in a useless attempt at pulling herself together a little. Gently, hesitantly, she rested a hand on his shoulder, grateful that she wasn't at the side of the one he'd dislocated. Even if he couldn't ignore what a wreck she still was, a sob catching in her throat, she had every intention of doing so. "You've got to rest, okay? Lie down, I - I'll be fine, I just - please, I need you to take care of yourself right now. You've got a lot of injuries, I can't have you making any of it worse."
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Date: 2010-01-10 10:17 pm (UTC)"I'll be fine," I continue, brows furrowing, though the little voice that's still whispering in the back of my mind tells me that I won't, not anytime soon. "Just... Just give me a few more hours, and I'll be just fine. I'm not... Oh, God." I stifle a cry, biting down hard on my lower lip, and I take as deep a breath as I can manage through a broken nose. "Two days. It shouldn't... Two days. Why does it...?"
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Date: 2010-01-10 10:59 pm (UTC)"It's not gonna be a few hours, Pete," she murmured, sniffling as she carefully brushed some hair back away from his face. "You can't... You're not, you know. Anymore. So you've just got to hold on, okay? I'm right here for you." It wasn't much, and, God, she wished it was more, but it was the least she could do. She'd sat by his side for two days, and had no intention of going anywhere else any time soon.
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Date: 2010-01-11 12:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-11 12:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-11 01:12 am (UTC)I open my eyes again, though I otherwise stay still, having learned my lesson the last time. "Hate to say I told you so, but..." I mumble, half-delusional, trying to catch her gaze. "But I told you I had no intention of dying."
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Date: 2010-01-11 01:29 am (UTC)"You really had me scared for a while there, you know," she murmured, exhaling as slowly as she could in an attempt to get herself back under control. Even in doing so, she doubted that was going to happen anytime soon. "I don't know what I would have done if..." She trailed off there, not wanting to continue when she didn't have to. It was hard enough thinking about the possibility of him dying without vocalizing it, too.
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Date: 2010-01-11 03:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-11 03:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-11 03:51 am (UTC)Positive thinking, Parker.
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Date: 2010-01-11 04:09 am (UTC)She cut herself off and swallowed, unsure how to even say this. For all she knew, she had made the worst judgment call of her life, and while she didn't really want to know if he thought she'd made a mistake, she couldn't keep second-guessing herself over it, either. She needed to get this over with, to hear, hopefully, that she hadn't ruined anything.
"When we got back, I was the only one of us in any state to talk to people," she continued, exhaling heavily. Reluctantly easing back, she took a seat again, instinctively about to reach for his hand but stopping just short of it, unsure if he'd want her to after he had tried to pull away before, or if it would be a good idea with what she was about to tell him. "I gave the statement to the IPD, and you were already unconscious, so I couldn't figure things out with you beforehand, and I had to think really fast..."
Closing her eyes a moment, she tipped her head back. "I told them that the man's name was Alton Hartford, that apparently he just snapped, and it was a random attack. You were just trying to save your girlfriend. I didn't think anyone should know that you knew each other back home, or that we'd known who he was for months. It seemed like the only thing to do, and... I just need to know if I really screwed things up or not."
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Date: 2010-01-11 05:50 am (UTC)I take another shuddering, shallow breath, afraid that anything deeper will spur on a coughing fit in addition to everything else. The longer I'm awake, the more I'm conscious of the individual injuries as opposed to the overall pain -- broken ribs, broken fingers, broken nose, dislocated shoulder, broken leg, burns, cuts, bruises, and probably a concussion to boot if my head's anything to go by. It's nothing I haven't had before, but that's a small comfort in a situation like this.
"So you lied. To the police." It doesn't sit well with me, that she's made us all complicit in a madman's lie, but then I realize the alternative could be so much worse, that I could be handed the blame for not telling the authorities something they wouldn't have believed in the first place. Clones are commonplace, after all, and Tabula Rasa does, occasionally, try to live up to its name.
I fix her with a surprisingly steady stare. "It's... not ideal," I add after a beat, which is something of an understatement. This whole mess with Osborn is about as far from ideal as it's possible to get, and if I've learned anything from my dealings with him in the past, death is not the end of him. "But... But it's okay. It'll be okay. You did fine."
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Date: 2010-01-11 06:07 am (UTC)"I wanted to protect you," she admitted, eyes shut and head lowered, only aware of the ridiculousness of a statement like that after it had left her mouth. In lieu of a laugh, she exhaled heavily, a bad taste left in her mouth by the whole situation despite her relief at his not being too upset. She just had to keep reminding herself that it was his -- their -- best interest she'd had in mind. "Talk about stupid, right?"
Of the two of them, she was undoubtedly the one who really needed protecting. She'd proven that two days ago, and now he was going to be laid up in a clinic bed for God knew how long because of it. The very thought of that brought on a fresh wave of guilt, and though she'd opened her eyes again, she couldn't quite bring herself to look at him. Maybe he would have gotten involved either way, but she couldn't help feeling responsible for what had happened to him, and even more so for that poor woman's death.
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Date: 2010-01-11 06:24 am (UTC)Blame for this falls squarely on two men's shoulders, and one of them's already dead.
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Date: 2010-01-11 06:35 am (UTC)"Is there anything I can get you?" she asked after a long moment, tentatively glancing in his direction when she trusted herself to be a little more composed. She ought to have asked sooner, she realized that in retrospect, but she supposed she hadn't really had the opportunity to, either. "Water, some kind of painkiller maybe? I could go get a doctor if you want to talk to one of them."
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Date: 2010-01-11 07:00 am (UTC)My breath catches in my throat, tears slipping free from under closed eyes to roll down my face. "You can't blame yourself, alright? 'Cause I swear to God, Mary Jane, that that hurts more than... Than all of this... Just please. Don't."
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Date: 2010-01-11 07:26 am (UTC)Only dimly aware of the fact that she'd begun to cry again, breaths coming short and ragged, though she managed to hold back any sobs, she looked at him wordlessly for what at least felt like a long time. There were too many things she wanted to say to him, none of which she thought she could. He didn't need to hear just how much she blamed herself, not when he was talking like that, but she couldn't lie to him and say that she didn't, either. At a loss, she gripped the edge of the bed, close to his hand but still not quite touching it. She'd screwed up enough already to not want to risk making it worse, and she wasn't sure she could handle his pulling away from her again.
"I love you, too," she murmured, the first true, coherent thing that came to mind, even as it dawned on her that the last time she'd told him she loved him, she had also been telling him to let her die. Dwelling on that now really wasn't going to help matters any. "And I promise you, this is all going to be okay, so please try not to -" Regardless of what she was asking of him, it was too late for her to stop crying, and though she closed her eyes, she made no effort to hide it. There was just no point.
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Date: 2010-01-13 04:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 05:15 am (UTC)"Peter," she murmured, tears not slowing, not yet. She should have been pulling herself together, making more of an effort to be the strong one like she had been for days now, but it just wasn't happening yet. With an exhale that might've been a laugh, had she not been crying, she shook her head, looking back over at him again. "God, what I wouldn't give to be able to lie beside you right now."
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Date: 2010-01-13 05:45 am (UTC)"What's stopping you?" I ask quietly, cracking open one eye to look at her. "I'm not a big guy, MJ. Should be plenty of room."
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Date: 2010-01-13 05:57 am (UTC)"You have four broken ribs," she pointed out quietly, her voice remarkably steady, all things considered, "two broken fingers and a broken leg, a shoulder you dislocated..." There was more, of course, but she didn't doubt he knew that, and she wouldn't have felt right just listing off all his various injuries. "I could hurt you. No, I would hurt you, and then they probably wouldn't let me keep staying here. They'd kick me out, and then what would you do with yourself?"
As far as attempts at levity went, this one failed miserably, but it was something, at least, especially given that she hadn't yet managed to fully stop crying. With months of this ahead of them, though, it would do her no good to let it upset her in front of him.
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Date: 2010-01-13 06:08 am (UTC)"I already am hurt. S'gonna take a lot more than a beautiful girl lying next to me to make things worse." I hesitate a beat, then add, "Might make for an improvement, actually."
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Date: 2010-01-13 06:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 06:50 am (UTC)I swallow again, stalling for time as I try to stop my head from spinning long enough to get out the rest of what I want to say before I pass out again.
"Honestly," I continue after a second, quieter than before, "the only thing that could possibly make this worse is having to get used to this. I just... Please. My mental state's about as messed up as the rest of me, MJ, and unlike a few broken bones, that's something I don't need an army of bored doctors to fix. Just you."
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Date: 2010-01-13 07:07 am (UTC)"Well, you've got me," she murmured, biting her lower lip as she stood, sitting instead on the edge of the bed. She still wasn't quite sure how she could go about doing this without causing any more damage, but it seemed worth it to try. "Just - we've got to be careful, alright? And if anything feels worse at all, you need to tell me right away." That said, she began easing down at his side, eyes on him all the while to make sure she didn't do anything wrong. "I'm right here."
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Date: 2010-01-14 07:28 am (UTC)Now, though, Mary Jane has more of a point than I'd like to admit, and I hold my breath as she settles down next to me, exhaling only once she's stopped moving. She can't hurt me any more than Norman, of course, but I keep that to myself, instead just saying, "Hey."
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Date: 2010-01-14 07:43 am (UTC)Of course, being in bed, she was reminded of just how long it had been since she'd slept, or even laid down at all, the closest being the time she had spent unconscious in a web on the beach of the second island. The memory made any hint of a smile fade, though she hoped it wasn't particularly noticeable. It wasn't anything she wanted to talk about, not yet. "You're sure this is okay, right?"
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Date: 2010-01-16 06:05 am (UTC)She was not, in fact, anywhere close to fine, but she was relatively uninjured and didn't see any reason to sleep just yet, so it was true enough. Beside him now, she didn't want to be anywhere else, and sleeping in his bed would have just been asking for her to somehow hurt him.
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