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[daretodo]

By now I know the drill. I'm on a strict order of bed rest for the ten days proceeding my surgery, which seems about as long as an overnight trip compared to my last stay in the clinic, a fact I try to focus on as I shift once again on the cramped, uncomfortable mattress. It's not like the bed back in mine and Mary Jane's hut is all that much better, really, but its location is infinitely preferable, surrounded by warm, wooden walls, all of my personal belongings, and most importantly, natural daylight. That it easily accommodates two is another point in its favor, but that particular train of thought just threatens to depress me more -- I'm a newlywed and I can't even sleep in the same bed as my wife. While I undoubtedly have bigger concerns, that's the one I keep circling back around to in my few moments alone.

I nearly lost my life to a man who probably could care less about me, and I did it at the expense of Mary Jane's happiness -- and for what? Some sense of duty, of responsibility? We've only just started our lives together, and I swanned off to play the hero for someone who didn't even want saving, leaving my wife with the all too real possibility of becoming a widow at age twenty-two. God, I've been so selfish lately, caught up in my own personal drama with Johnny's and Sarah's disappearances and Council business and the O.R. that I haven't really been there for the one person who means everything to me. That'll have to change once I'm out of here.

For now, though, I'm left to my own devices, MJ off making lunch for us both. With nothing else to do, I've turned to a battered copy of The Time Machine for entertainment, but I pay attention only to every other sentence, my mind elsewhere entirely even as I turn another page.

Comments

[daretodo]

"I don't even know what I think anymore," I murmur, pressing my palm to my forehead in exasperation. We're talking in circles, and I can't help but wonder if I'm making an already precarious situation worse. That doesn't stop me from continuing all the same.

"In case you haven't noticed, my life's not exactly in tip-top shape, either -- I've nearly died twice in as many months. But fine, let's say I was mistaken about your role in his alcoholism for the past year. I'm sorry. That doesn't change the fact that you still jumped at the chance to make a dying man happy, so my calling you an enabler stands." I let my hand drop back in my lap, and I absently roll a loose thread between my forefinger and thumb, a nervous habit in the absence of being able to pace like I want to.

"That said, I don't need you to apologize anymore than you already have -- you feel guilty. I know. I have a lot of expertise in that area, trust me, because I've been sitting here feeling nothing but for my involvement -- and lack thereof -- in all of this. I made Stark my responsibility the second I saw you sitting at that bar, and I put him above my wife. My wife, Pepper. I don't think poorly of you. You're as much a victim of that man as I am, so that'd be a pretty lousy thing to think."

Scoffing, I add, "But I mean, this isn't even about you, is it? Which, honestly, I don't know you even realize, since you come in here, wishing I'd been more understanding, that I told you sooner, that I'd done all of these things, effectively placing more of the blame on me. You're villainizing me, when all I have tried to do since I learned about his condition is come up with a means to buy the love of your life some more time so he can fix himself. You think your life sucks? So does everyone else's. And what you're supposed to do right now is stop feeling sorry for yourself, which as someone you consider your friend, is my duty to tell you, because I understand. You're Pepper Potts, for crying out loud. Start acting like it."

[wildlyconflicted]

That hits home but stings less than Peter's earlier remarks, is somehow easier to take in this uneasy truce. "I didn't intend to blame you," she sighs, feeling so entirely worn not just by this particular situation, but everything. "I'm sorry it seemed that way. I think maybe for a minute there, it felt good to have something to argue about, crazy as that seems. I've been so frustrated, and I start to feel guilty if I get angry at Tony, regardless of how legitimate it is. I've been so tired and so turned around, but you're right. You're absolutely right."

[daretodo]

"I was buried alive on my wedding day for no discernible reason. No bad guy to hit, no greater scheme to foil-- Wanting to fight, wanting to have some sense of control over all the chaos around you, that's natural," I say, shaking my head. "Or at least, I've gotta believe it is for my own sanity. For your sanity, though, you need to get over this guilt. Tony Stark is a grown man -- not a particularly wise one, for all of his intelligence, but he is an adult, not a child. He is accountable for his actions. Don't make excuses for him because he's dying, and don't let him off the hook. The only reason I'm not having him thrown in jail over what he did is because it would effectively be a death sentence. He needs to be able to work."

[wildlyconflicted]

"Yeah," Pepper sighs with a slight nod. "Were the situation any different, I honestly might just agree with you on that." So little of what Tony's ever done in his life has come with genuine consequences. A little time in the relative discomfort of the IPD lockup would probably do him some good. In the meantime, Pepper's disapproval would have to do.

"You do know I appreciate you, I hope," she says. "Even after you've dressed me down for losing my backbone. There aren't many people I trust as much as you, Peter. I'm genuinely relieved that both you and Mary Jane are going to be okay."

[daretodo]

"Hey, you talk as much as I do, and you're bound to climb up on a soapbox every once in a while," I say in my defense, managing a weak, crooked smile. It's about as close to an apology as I'm gonna get, for once in my life not feeling the need to preface everything with the words I'm sorry. "Friendship's not always about telling people how great they are. Not that that wouldn't be nice."