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[Kübler-Ross Redux | Stage One | Denial]
Oct. 30th, 2012 11:53 pmI know before I open my eyes that she's gone.
Among other things, the Island's turned me into a light sleeper. The sudden absence at my back startles me awake, but denial keeps my eyes shut tight. Her side of the bed is still warm, I tell myself. She needed to make a trip to the little girl's room, or grab a snack, or stretch her legs... There are more innocent explanations than her being swept back into the real world. Explanations that don't leave me alone, again. I should have faith. Ignore the panic that shoots straight through to my heart. I'm just overreacting. She's just in the other room.
Except I know my luck.
I find her wedding band underneath her still warm pillow, the room otherwise undisturbed. There's no note. No sign of struggle. No sign that she tried to... Stay.
We don't get to choose. I know that-- Have seen it too many times to--But it's my worst nightmare all over again. It's my worst nightmare all over again, and it's a day too early for it to be a trick, unless--
Unless that's the trick. It has to be, right? It wouldn't be the first time this place has tried to subvert our expectations, undermine what little viable data we've managed to collect-- Why not have everyone's nightmares manifest a day earlier than we'd thought, try to push us off balance? That's what this place does, right? Screw with your head 'til you don't which way is down and which way is up?
I shoot out of bed in a tangle of limbs and blankets, stumbling over my own feet as I run from the bedroom to my workshop. My fingers fly over the combination of the safe I made to store my more valuable assets, and it's only a minute or so before I've pulled on the bulk of my gear, booting up the tech-sense so that I won't be swinging out into the dark completely blind.
Because Mary Jane's out there. She has to be. And wherever she is, I will find her, no matter what.
...right?
Among other things, the Island's turned me into a light sleeper. The sudden absence at my back startles me awake, but denial keeps my eyes shut tight. Her side of the bed is still warm, I tell myself. She needed to make a trip to the little girl's room, or grab a snack, or stretch her legs... There are more innocent explanations than her being swept back into the real world. Explanations that don't leave me alone, again. I should have faith. Ignore the panic that shoots straight through to my heart. I'm just overreacting. She's just in the other room.
Except I know my luck.
I find her wedding band underneath her still warm pillow, the room otherwise undisturbed. There's no note. No sign of struggle. No sign that she tried to... Stay.
We don't get to choose. I know that-- Have seen it too many times to--But it's my worst nightmare all over again. It's my worst nightmare all over again, and it's a day too early for it to be a trick, unless--
Unless that's the trick. It has to be, right? It wouldn't be the first time this place has tried to subvert our expectations, undermine what little viable data we've managed to collect-- Why not have everyone's nightmares manifest a day earlier than we'd thought, try to push us off balance? That's what this place does, right? Screw with your head 'til you don't which way is down and which way is up?
I shoot out of bed in a tangle of limbs and blankets, stumbling over my own feet as I run from the bedroom to my workshop. My fingers fly over the combination of the safe I made to store my more valuable assets, and it's only a minute or so before I've pulled on the bulk of my gear, booting up the tech-sense so that I won't be swinging out into the dark completely blind.
Because Mary Jane's out there. She has to be. And wherever she is, I will find her, no matter what.
...right?