[for Tony] Look good! Look bad! Look fffffttz.

[daretodo]

Once in a while, I wonder what it would be like to be a normal person. What, I think to myself, would I do with my time if I didn't have friends who dragged me up to space stations or never got bit by a radioactive spider (only to lose all those abilities courtesy of a magical island) or didn't have a teenage girl wandering around with my face and the best head of hair in the extended clone family this side of Kaine? Mary Jane provides me with some sense of normalcy, sure, but even she's gotta be just a little wacky to put up with a nutcase like me and my circus of a life.

'Cause, see, when I look at all the crazy things I've done -- really stop to consider them -- it occurs to me that the most unbelievable thing I could ever hope to do is something so mundanely normal your Average Joe wouldn't even think about it twice. That's how far from the norm things are for regular ol' Peter Parker, even on a so-called blank slate. Still, with the pressing concern of Tony's palladium poisoning dealt with, Jessica and I in some sort of awkward holding pattern, and things with Mary Jane better than ever, it felt like the right sort of time to try my hand at one of the Island's more traditional activities. That I thought Tony could probably use a non-bar related distraction given everything that went down at the end of last month just happened to be a fortunate -- or not so fortunate, rather -- coincidence.

With beachside picnics, sunbathing, and strippers dismissed right off the bat, I suggested fishing as a possible alternative for our usual pastime. He, in turn, suggested we try at the dock instead of in a pond. So here we are on a sunny Friday afternoon, not tinkering around in a workshop, but instead sitting at the edge of a dock, our respective homemade fishing gear in hand, and waiting for the first of what'll surely be many bites, because it's fishing, and there's no way we can possibly fail, right?

We last maybe five minutes.

"...this was a terrible idea."

Comments

[daretodo]

I snort hard enough that I'm amazed I don't let go of the rock in the process. A part of me's understandably mortified by the question, but given the sorts of things that regularly come out of Tony's mouth in all of their inappropriate glory, I can't say I'm especially surprised. I mean, jeez, it's been a whole five minutes since he said something awful. That's got to be some sort of record.

"Define freaky spider sex," I say dryly. "'Cause I'm not into ritualized dancing, if that's what you're asking."

[notawastedlife]

"What does- no, that's just nightclubs," Tony said. "I don't know, doing whatever a spider does. Are webs involved? If you knock her up, do you expect her to take a bite out of you?"

[daretodo]

Scratch that, I'm surprised.

"Oh my God, are you-- Mind reminding me why we're friends again?" I ask, incredulous.

[notawastedlife]

"You look up to my unparalleled intellectual capabilities and dashing good looks," Tony said, slipping a little as the next foothold he found turned out to not have that much hold to it already. "You're hoping some of it will rub off on- mind the-oh, it's gone," he said, as it fell.

[daretodo]

Only once I'm sure Tony's not about to suffer the same fate, I turn to watch as the rock falls past me, following its trajectory to the ground below.

"You keep forgetting the part where I actually know guys smarter than you," I reply, mouth twisting in a frown. Maybe the fishing idea was a bust, but these web harnesses might prove themselves necessary just yet, jeez Louise. "Not here, granted, but it's worth pointing out. Anyway--" I start climbing again, making sure to make a more diagonal route to steer clear from any more of Tony's castoffs. "--MJ's not gonna take a bite out of me. I mean, first of all, I'm pretty sure she's not a cannibal, and second of all, we are so not ready for kids. We don't exactly have room for a web sac, yanno?"

[notawastedlife]

"You keep saying it, I keep not buying it," Tony corrected, finding firmer footing and pushing ahead. "Different fields, maybe. Possibly. No, that makes sense, MJ isn't a Spider-Woman, the freaky spider in this equation would just be you. That part of the point... withdrawn."

[daretodo]

"Let's just say I've never had any complaints, and leave it at that," I say, rolling my eyes. "What about you, do you have freaky... Iron Man sex? Do ya pop on the helmet to make sure they aren't faking it? Is the arc reactor officially an erogenous zone?" A beat. "But no, seriously, how does that work, having a big metal thing popping out of your chest? That seems like kind of a mood killer."

[notawastedlife]

"It's not popping out," Tony said, in a tone of mild protest, "it juts. Slightly. It's never been a problem, it's... mood lighting. Plus, you know, the Energizer Bunny factor, I am battery powered. Ladies love that."

[daretodo]

"No, I used my fingers to climb walls," I say. "Ladies love that."

[notawastedlife]

"With the sticking? That seems more problematic than anything," Tony said, "I can see problems in that."

[daretodo]

"Please, it's not like I couldn't control what I stuck to," I scoff. "Nimble fingers trump batteries, trust me. It's all about the personal touch. You ever want to sleep with the same girl twice, you might wanna look into that, just saying. I assume you and Pepper haven't--?"

[notawastedlife]

"Being a gentleman, here," Tony said, this apparently not being disproved by the preceding conversation in any way. "Dates, and... dating things."

[daretodo]

"...wow, you're really hopeless, aren'tcha?" I say, giving his back a dubious look, as I pull myself up a few feet higher. "I mean, don't get me wrong, on the one hand, I'm glad, because hearing about Pepper in that context would sorta be like hearing about my Aunt May in that context, and that's just not a place I'm interested in going, but, uh, there's being a gentleman, and then there's dating things. What does that even mean, dating things? Not that I'm saying you should jump in bed -- I think you're going the right route, there, actually, you don't wanna mess that up -- but if you're hoping to impress her, I'd hope you have better game than that, c'mon. Did you do anything for Valentine's or did that get derailed by the Willy Wonka motif and the PSAs with your face on 'em?"

[notawastedlife]

"Dating things," Tony said, "things that the dating couple- it was never railed, greeting card holidays aren't romantic, and no one sells greeting cards."

[daretodo]

"...you forgot about it, didn't you?" I ask, pausing in my climb to prop my elbow on a rock that's jutting out, resting my chin in my hand as I look up. "That'd explain why some Thor wannabe won her in that charity auction, at least."

[notawastedlife]

"I didn't- why would I bid on having her at my behest? That sends the wrong message, I'd say. Entirely wrong. We already had that dynamic, we moved on," Tony said, himself attempting to move on and upwards; the easily spotted handholds were thinning out, and his route wasn't as convenient as he'd initially thought.

He could backtrack? No, going back was cheating. It was fine, those cracks looked like they could work.

[daretodo]

"Nah, see, what you should've done is bid on her to show you cared, then used the twenty-four hours to be at her behest," I say, still waiting for him to get a move on. Even at this distance, I can spot the route he should be taking, though I wonder if he actually will. I check to make sure my harness is still well and attached to the rope, just in case. "Then that sends the right message."

[notawastedlife]

"What? That's- actually, that's pretty solid, did you get that out of a romantic comedy?" Tony said, experimentally wedging his hand into the crack and testing his weight on it. Yeah, he could hold that, his fingertips were just fine, thank you, Mr Wall-Crawler. "Remind me to do that next time."

[daretodo]

"I don't need to, I'm married," I point out, still a little dubious that he's not going to take a fall any second, though at least he's being careful about it. "And this isn't the first time. I might have the worst luck in the world when it comes to the bachelor life, but I know a thing or two about relationships, let me tell ya."

That I probably did pick up that idea from a romantic comedy is besides the point. I mean, the only reason I've seen so many of them -- and by 'seen' I mean 'made out during' -- is because I've been in a few steady relationships, anyway, which is my point.

"You're sure you got a good grip there?"

[notawastedlife]

See? That was solid, he could pull himself up to the next one, from there, and grab that-

"I think I'm capable of knowing when I'm holding onto something or not," he said, transferring his weight.

"Wait, no, I'm not," he yelped, ineffectually batting at the rockface with his now free hand for a moment, trying for purchase, before gravity took over.

[daretodo]

I have my web-shooters at the ready to make a net in case the latest anchor doesn't hold, but everything works exactly as it's supposed to: Tony goes down, and I get yanked upwards with a yelp of my own, though I have the common sense to grab onto something before I go up too far, latching onto the cliff at first opportunity, though that first opportunity happens to be right as I hit the anchor, hard, with my hip. That'll leave a bruise, yeouch.

Breathless, and not a little high on the sudden jolt of adrenaline, I let out a disbelieving laugh as I look down to make sure Tony's alright.

"And that's why we wear harnesses," I call down. "You okay?"

[notawastedlife]

Tony bounced off the rock face, and twisted to peer and see how close he'd gotten to the ground. Well, not very, that was okay, that had worked out all right.

"Fine," he said, "I'm- I almost had that, another second, no problem."

[daretodo]

"You're an awful liar," I say, though I actually believe him on the first part. I mean, he's conscious, and there's a distinct lack of blood smearing the rock face; he'll probably be a little bruised from that bump, but he'll live. It's the latter I'm having difficulty buying.

"Seriously, in what universe did you almost have that?"

[notawastedlife]

"...this one?" Tony said, still dangling, glancing at the cliff-face as he gently bumped into it as he tried to establish the best way to reattach himself to it. Whatever climbers called that. "I almost had a handhold, that qualifies as almost having it. Universes where I did have it are not very far separated."

[daretodo]

"...wow, you actually believe that," I reply, stifling a laugh. "Want me to abseil down, so you can get back up here before the webbing dissolves?"