[for Tony] Look good! Look bad! Look fffffttz.

[daretodo]

Once in a while, I wonder what it would be like to be a normal person. What, I think to myself, would I do with my time if I didn't have friends who dragged me up to space stations or never got bit by a radioactive spider (only to lose all those abilities courtesy of a magical island) or didn't have a teenage girl wandering around with my face and the best head of hair in the extended clone family this side of Kaine? Mary Jane provides me with some sense of normalcy, sure, but even she's gotta be just a little wacky to put up with a nutcase like me and my circus of a life.

'Cause, see, when I look at all the crazy things I've done -- really stop to consider them -- it occurs to me that the most unbelievable thing I could ever hope to do is something so mundanely normal your Average Joe wouldn't even think about it twice. That's how far from the norm things are for regular ol' Peter Parker, even on a so-called blank slate. Still, with the pressing concern of Tony's palladium poisoning dealt with, Jessica and I in some sort of awkward holding pattern, and things with Mary Jane better than ever, it felt like the right sort of time to try my hand at one of the Island's more traditional activities. That I thought Tony could probably use a non-bar related distraction given everything that went down at the end of last month just happened to be a fortunate -- or not so fortunate, rather -- coincidence.

With beachside picnics, sunbathing, and strippers dismissed right off the bat, I suggested fishing as a possible alternative for our usual pastime. He, in turn, suggested we try at the dock instead of in a pond. So here we are on a sunny Friday afternoon, not tinkering around in a workshop, but instead sitting at the edge of a dock, our respective homemade fishing gear in hand, and waiting for the first of what'll surely be many bites, because it's fishing, and there's no way we can possibly fail, right?

We last maybe five minutes.

"...this was a terrible idea."

Comments

[notawastedlife]

"I don't know what you were thinking," Tony agreed, immediately tossing his rod into the water and standing up. "What else you got?"

Fishing? Just sitting there, waiting for fish. Where was the fun in sitting around waiting for something to come to you? Just hanging about, not having to think about what you were doing, so you had to think about other things, and Tony Stark could think about a lot of things in five minutes. Not all of them things he'd prefer to be thinking about.

Wasn't recreation supposed to keep your mind off things? That's why his old standbys had been so useful, had worked so well. And were, sadly -- not sadly, had to catch that, life was better, remember that -- unavailable.

[daretodo]

"Hey!"

We crashed a space station into the ocean not three weeks ago. In comparison, a fishing rod seems like a blip on the littering radar. Still, I can't help myself from getting down on all fours to grab it out of the water anyway, stretching as far as humanly possible before my fingers find purchase, and I reel it in, so to speak. Look at that, coming out here wasn't a complete waste. I caught something, after all.

Yeah, okay, I'm not really fooling anyone with that, am I?

Placing the rod next to my equally as discarded one, I scramble to my feet, and push wet hands back through my hair once I straighten, equal parts exasperation and annoyance, though, in a rare turn of events, both are directed more towards myself than my oh-so-charming company. This was, after all, my terrible idea, and now I've got to think up an alternative.

"I don't know," I say, frowning. "Just-- Give me a second, wouldja? We're not exactly swimming in supervillains." A beat. "Hey, we could-- No, we couldn't."

I don't even have to finish that thought. We're not going swimming.

[notawastedlife]

"Pete, if you were about to suggest we go swimming, that's- you're hopeless," he said. "As evidenced by the 'don't sling in, bin it' routine just now. Which- you'd think you'd be in the 'sling it' camp. Obviously."

He scratched the bottom of his chin, considering. "What else we got... I've only got one motorcycle, that's out. We're not doubling up."

[daretodo]

"Yeah, your hair's not long enough to be the Barbie on the back, you're right," I agree, shooting him a look. Fingers curling in the hairs at the base of my thinking, I turn to pace in three-step loop, not having a heckuva lot of space to do much walking out here. I don't have a motorcycle or a flying suit of armor, though I once owned the former a long, long time ago. The coolest things currently in my possession are my web-shooters, and while I do actually two sets of those, I only have one pair on me, and there's absolutely no way I'll ever be teaching Iron Man how to sling through the trees. That's my bag, and I'd like to keep it that way.

With my mind heading in an exclusively Spider-Man direction, though, it's hard not to notice the mountain playing the role of Tony's backdrop for the day. My eyes go distant, a thoughtful expression replacing my annoyance, and my head tilts to the side. Today was supposed to be about normalcy, sure, but what's the normal person's version of scaling skyscrapers?

"...how do you feel about rock climbing?"

[notawastedlife]

Tony turned around and looked at the mountain, then swivelled back to Pete.

"In general, I don't have an opinion," he said. "As an option, it has promise."

Climbing, now there was a proper sort of activity for a pair of superheroes on their day off. Activity. Scaling of heights. It ticked all kinds of boxes.

[daretodo]

"Have you ever done it before?" I ask, stepping around him. I've climbed plenty of trees without my powers, but I haven't moved up to rock faces yet; in my defense, I haven't had much time between my recoveries and new crises. Spurred on by Tony's tentative approval for the idea, I run through what sort of equipment people generally use for that kind of thing, realize we don't even have half of it, then decide that doesn't really matter. I've got the means to make us a couple of harnesses, and I'm experienced enough for the both of us to ensure no one falls to his death. God only knows how many contingencies I've thought of for precisely that sort of catastrophe.

[notawastedlife]

"Nope," Tony said, cheerfully. "How hard can it be? Even without bug hands. You hold onto things, you go up."

[daretodo]

"That's... the gist of it, more or less," I say slowly, nodding. "Basic in concept, a bit more strenuous in execution. You should be fine, I'll pick out an--"

I'm about to say 'an easy route,' but I realize in enough time that he probably won't agree to as much.

"--a good route."

[notawastedlife]

"You think I can't work out a series of handholds?" Tony said. "Come on, what are we standing around for, let's go conquer a mountain."

[daretodo]

It's a couple miles walk to the foot of the mountain, but it's not like either of us has anything better to do with our day. Well, except for fishing, granted, but that's been ruled out for both the present and the future, presumably. Who could've predicted that sitting around waiting for something to bite would be, quite possibly, the most boring activity known to man? Then again, I spend a lot of my time pushing paperwork around on a desk. I'm not sure fishing actually beats that in levels of sheer tedium, but it definitely comes close.

Either way, I use the walk to MacGyver a belay device with some re-purposed parts of my fishing rod that I grabbed before leaving and a pair of pliers I keep in a little portable toolkit, only half paying attention to Tony's chatter, though I manage to keep up with the quips. I've always been a good multitasker, I will say that on my behalf. By the time we reach the foot of the mountain, I look like a character on Lost, the incomparable combination of humidity and my own sweat making my clothes cling to my skin in a way that isn't all together pleasant. After pulling out my web-shooters, I drop my bag at my feet to free up my hands, then tug off my shirt, rolling it up into a ball to put it away. No one lives anywhere near here. I'm not especially worried about being caught with my webs out, if you catch my drift.

"It's not exactly Everest, but it'll do, right?"

[notawastedlife]

"Someone already climbed Everest, it's been done," Tony said, waving it off.

Well, okay, maybe -- definitely -- someone had climbed this one, too, but no one had made a big deal of it. "It'll suffice. It'll kill an hour. Am I really going to be wearing a harness made out of your goop?"

[daretodo]

"You betcha," I chirp, flashing him a smile that doesn't go within a mile of my eyes. "It's either that, or we can sit around unpacking my various issues that involve people I know falling. Your choice, Stark: you wanna play therapist or do you wanna climb a mountain?"

For both our sakes, I'm hoping he picks the latter. I don't really feel like divulging that information with him right this second, friends or not.

[notawastedlife]

"Mountain," Tony said, without hesitation, because no way, no how were they doing option number one. "Goop me."

He had seen that stuff survive re-entry, he had no doubts as to its effectiveness. It was just the texture and appearance, it was somewhat... off-putting.

[daretodo]

Well, that was easy. Not that I'm especially surprised, mind you -- I would've had to call island shenanigans if he'd picked the first one -- but it's nice to be proven right every once in a while.

"Yanno, I'm really not sure if that's a step up or just sideways from wrist-ejaculators," I tell him, brows arching as I try to figure out the best way to do this. My aim's not what it used to be, even with all the practice I've been putting in over the past few months. "Hold out your arms."

[notawastedlife]

"...this stuff is sterile, right?" Tony said, holding out his arms but looking slightly uncomfortable. "You keep your lab clean. You cook it up in a sterile environment."

[daretodo]

"Oh, my-- It's sterile," I say with a roll of my eyes. "And my lab's clean." Adopting an accent that's closer to the Count on Sesame Street than anything else, I add, "Now step into my web, Mr. Hughes, ah, ah, ah."

I don't give him a chance to respond before I double-tap on each trigger, tuning out everything else long enough to make him what would appear to be a pretty standard harness if it weren't made out of, well, webbing.

[notawastedlife]

He had clothes in the way, as well, he could deal, even with only those vague reassurances. And standing in place while gear was placed on him wasn't unfamiliar. Peter was probably more trustworthy than Dummy and Useless, actually.

"That man was an inspiration, don't say it like a joke," Tony said, but amiably. "Vampires and webs, really? I don't think vampires spin webs."

[daretodo]

"Know a lot of vampires?"

With a time limit on how long the webbing last before it dissolves, I don't dawdle in setting up my own harness. I don't really need it, at the end of the day, but I figured it was probably a wiser course of action to treat us as equals. Maybe I'm not as adept as Pepper at handling his ego -- and frankly, I don't want to be, that'd just be weird, and inappropriate, and did I mention weird? -- but I'm not entirely clueless, either.

Crouching down to close up my bag, I slide the straps over my shoulders, then step up to the rock face, looking straight up for about a second. The trick to making sure no one dies, here, is occasionally placing protection points to feed a web-rope through, one that's connected to each of our 'harnesses.' That way, if one of us loses our grip-- that is, if Tony, here, loses his grip -- I'll be able to stop him from falling. It's a simple, if effective, system. Dispensing a long line of webbing, I thread through the belay device, then hand him one end.

"Here, tie a knot through the waist," I tell him, doing the same with my own end before I move to jam my foot into a crack along the rock, making sure I'm secure before hoisting myself up. "And seriously, do you? Know a lot of vampires, I mean?"

[notawastedlife]

Tony examined it, then tied it.

"You're going first? I know- I met a couple of people who've played vampires," he said. Really, though, he was going second? He didn't recall agreeing to that. "If we have vampires, they're still in the coffin. Do you know vampires? You've got vampire buddies? You're a fang hag?"

[daretodo]

Technically speaking, I should go second -- it's the better position to make sure no one gets hurt from, and, as we've already established, he's never done this before -- but I'm itching enough to get moving that I'm not thinking all that straight. There are plenty of flaws in the plan. With a sigh, I jump away from the cliff, landing with my knees slightly bent, reaching back into my back to fish out the 'anchors' I made, for lack of a better word. They're nothing close to standard -- you definitely wouldn't be able to find them in a store, that's for sure -- but they should be easy enough to insert and remove as we go, each one of them loaded with a clip to pass the rope through when they're needed.

"You're right. Where are my manners?" I reply with feigned concerned, a bright smile stretching across my face as I toss him the rest of the makeshift equipment. "Stick 'em in, I'll retrieve as we go -- and we'll ignore how dirty that sounds, please and thank you." Gesturing for him to go ahead, I continue, "Also, not a fang hag. I mean, I do know a couple of vampires, sorta, but I try not to think about them too much, because they sort of occupy a weird place in my whole worldview, yanno? Not quite magic, not quite science... It's-- It's a grey area. Or a red area, what with the whole... Blood... Thing."

[notawastedlife]

That was better. Leadership role, that seemed more fitting.

"I put it in, you pull out," Tony said, touching his forehead with one of the anchors -- or, at least, putting it close enough to his forehead to pass as a mock salute -- before he turned back to the cliff-face, putting his foot into a gap to push himself up.

"What about werewolves? Those work better than vampires, scientifically. People've done similar things with gamma radiation, close enough that I can believe in wolf-people. Triggered human cellular transformation."

[daretodo]

"Sucker," I mutter under my breath, smirking a little to myself. He might be going first, but his leadership is nominal; I'm the guy actually in charge, here, but if it gets him to cooperate, I'll let him think whatever he wants. It's less of a headache that way. Point goes to me, the sneakiest of superheroes.

"Know a Man-Wolf," I reply, pitching my voice loud enough for him to hear. "Not a bad guy, actually, once he got over the whole uncontrollable beast thing. He's an astronaut. First person I ever really saved. Went on to become Captain America's pilot for a while, pretended to be Spidey to get his old man off my back. You know, the usual." Then again, his powers weren't exactly gamma-based, were they? Not unless you can call some fancy red moonstone science, per se. Still, I don't know what it is, but while I accept that vampires obviously exist, having had enough run-ins with them over the years, the whole concept of them is just a little too oogie woogie for my tastes. "Of course, in Mary Jane's universe, she almost married the guy, and he was entirely normal. Funny how that--"

Stopping myself short, my eyes widen, finally cluing into the important part of what Tony mentioned. "Waitaminute, you just said gamma radiation! Does that mean you have the Hulk running around?"

[notawastedlife]

"Man-Wolf? What, was Wolf-Man already taken? Taking the trend-bucking approach- the who?" Tony said, looking for a spot to wedge an anchor in before climbing higher. "That the guy Thunderbolt's always buying special tech to go after? Now, there's a name that belongs on a superhero, wasted on a general."

[daretodo]

"Big, green, works a pair of purple stretch pants like you wouldn't believe," I prompt, stepping up to the rock. After a moment's consideration, I decide to give him a couple of more feet before I start, otherwise the temptation to overtake him, and just climb for fun'll probably be hard to dismiss. "C'mon, how do you have the Hulk running around, and not know about it? He's kinda hard to miss."

[notawastedlife]

"How do I- I am an exceptionally talented man, that's how," Tony said, looking down and frowning at Peter before attending to his climb again. "There was work being done with gamma radiation, there was an incident, Thunderbolt Ross has a bee in his britches about it. I don't remember anything about- stretch pants? Actually, that does seem a logical solution, but I question the aesthetics."