[for Tony] Look good! Look bad! Look fffffttz.

[daretodo]

Once in a while, I wonder what it would be like to be a normal person. What, I think to myself, would I do with my time if I didn't have friends who dragged me up to space stations or never got bit by a radioactive spider (only to lose all those abilities courtesy of a magical island) or didn't have a teenage girl wandering around with my face and the best head of hair in the extended clone family this side of Kaine? Mary Jane provides me with some sense of normalcy, sure, but even she's gotta be just a little wacky to put up with a nutcase like me and my circus of a life.

'Cause, see, when I look at all the crazy things I've done -- really stop to consider them -- it occurs to me that the most unbelievable thing I could ever hope to do is something so mundanely normal your Average Joe wouldn't even think about it twice. That's how far from the norm things are for regular ol' Peter Parker, even on a so-called blank slate. Still, with the pressing concern of Tony's palladium poisoning dealt with, Jessica and I in some sort of awkward holding pattern, and things with Mary Jane better than ever, it felt like the right sort of time to try my hand at one of the Island's more traditional activities. That I thought Tony could probably use a non-bar related distraction given everything that went down at the end of last month just happened to be a fortunate -- or not so fortunate, rather -- coincidence.

With beachside picnics, sunbathing, and strippers dismissed right off the bat, I suggested fishing as a possible alternative for our usual pastime. He, in turn, suggested we try at the dock instead of in a pond. So here we are on a sunny Friday afternoon, not tinkering around in a workshop, but instead sitting at the edge of a dock, our respective homemade fishing gear in hand, and waiting for the first of what'll surely be many bites, because it's fishing, and there's no way we can possibly fail, right?

We last maybe five minutes.

"...this was a terrible idea."

Comments

[daretodo]

"That's... the gist of it, more or less," I say slowly, nodding. "Basic in concept, a bit more strenuous in execution. You should be fine, I'll pick out an--"

I'm about to say 'an easy route,' but I realize in enough time that he probably won't agree to as much.

"--a good route."

[notawastedlife]

"You think I can't work out a series of handholds?" Tony said. "Come on, what are we standing around for, let's go conquer a mountain."

[daretodo]

It's a couple miles walk to the foot of the mountain, but it's not like either of us has anything better to do with our day. Well, except for fishing, granted, but that's been ruled out for both the present and the future, presumably. Who could've predicted that sitting around waiting for something to bite would be, quite possibly, the most boring activity known to man? Then again, I spend a lot of my time pushing paperwork around on a desk. I'm not sure fishing actually beats that in levels of sheer tedium, but it definitely comes close.

Either way, I use the walk to MacGyver a belay device with some re-purposed parts of my fishing rod that I grabbed before leaving and a pair of pliers I keep in a little portable toolkit, only half paying attention to Tony's chatter, though I manage to keep up with the quips. I've always been a good multitasker, I will say that on my behalf. By the time we reach the foot of the mountain, I look like a character on Lost, the incomparable combination of humidity and my own sweat making my clothes cling to my skin in a way that isn't all together pleasant. After pulling out my web-shooters, I drop my bag at my feet to free up my hands, then tug off my shirt, rolling it up into a ball to put it away. No one lives anywhere near here. I'm not especially worried about being caught with my webs out, if you catch my drift.

"It's not exactly Everest, but it'll do, right?"

[notawastedlife]

"Someone already climbed Everest, it's been done," Tony said, waving it off.

Well, okay, maybe -- definitely -- someone had climbed this one, too, but no one had made a big deal of it. "It'll suffice. It'll kill an hour. Am I really going to be wearing a harness made out of your goop?"

[daretodo]

"You betcha," I chirp, flashing him a smile that doesn't go within a mile of my eyes. "It's either that, or we can sit around unpacking my various issues that involve people I know falling. Your choice, Stark: you wanna play therapist or do you wanna climb a mountain?"

For both our sakes, I'm hoping he picks the latter. I don't really feel like divulging that information with him right this second, friends or not.

[notawastedlife]

"Mountain," Tony said, without hesitation, because no way, no how were they doing option number one. "Goop me."

He had seen that stuff survive re-entry, he had no doubts as to its effectiveness. It was just the texture and appearance, it was somewhat... off-putting.

[daretodo]

Well, that was easy. Not that I'm especially surprised, mind you -- I would've had to call island shenanigans if he'd picked the first one -- but it's nice to be proven right every once in a while.

"Yanno, I'm really not sure if that's a step up or just sideways from wrist-ejaculators," I tell him, brows arching as I try to figure out the best way to do this. My aim's not what it used to be, even with all the practice I've been putting in over the past few months. "Hold out your arms."

[notawastedlife]

"...this stuff is sterile, right?" Tony said, holding out his arms but looking slightly uncomfortable. "You keep your lab clean. You cook it up in a sterile environment."

[daretodo]

"Oh, my-- It's sterile," I say with a roll of my eyes. "And my lab's clean." Adopting an accent that's closer to the Count on Sesame Street than anything else, I add, "Now step into my web, Mr. Hughes, ah, ah, ah."

I don't give him a chance to respond before I double-tap on each trigger, tuning out everything else long enough to make him what would appear to be a pretty standard harness if it weren't made out of, well, webbing.

[notawastedlife]

He had clothes in the way, as well, he could deal, even with only those vague reassurances. And standing in place while gear was placed on him wasn't unfamiliar. Peter was probably more trustworthy than Dummy and Useless, actually.

"That man was an inspiration, don't say it like a joke," Tony said, but amiably. "Vampires and webs, really? I don't think vampires spin webs."

[daretodo]

"Know a lot of vampires?"

With a time limit on how long the webbing last before it dissolves, I don't dawdle in setting up my own harness. I don't really need it, at the end of the day, but I figured it was probably a wiser course of action to treat us as equals. Maybe I'm not as adept as Pepper at handling his ego -- and frankly, I don't want to be, that'd just be weird, and inappropriate, and did I mention weird? -- but I'm not entirely clueless, either.

Crouching down to close up my bag, I slide the straps over my shoulders, then step up to the rock face, looking straight up for about a second. The trick to making sure no one dies, here, is occasionally placing protection points to feed a web-rope through, one that's connected to each of our 'harnesses.' That way, if one of us loses our grip-- that is, if Tony, here, loses his grip -- I'll be able to stop him from falling. It's a simple, if effective, system. Dispensing a long line of webbing, I thread through the belay device, then hand him one end.

"Here, tie a knot through the waist," I tell him, doing the same with my own end before I move to jam my foot into a crack along the rock, making sure I'm secure before hoisting myself up. "And seriously, do you? Know a lot of vampires, I mean?"

[notawastedlife]

Tony examined it, then tied it.

"You're going first? I know- I met a couple of people who've played vampires," he said. Really, though, he was going second? He didn't recall agreeing to that. "If we have vampires, they're still in the coffin. Do you know vampires? You've got vampire buddies? You're a fang hag?"

[daretodo]

Technically speaking, I should go second -- it's the better position to make sure no one gets hurt from, and, as we've already established, he's never done this before -- but I'm itching enough to get moving that I'm not thinking all that straight. There are plenty of flaws in the plan. With a sigh, I jump away from the cliff, landing with my knees slightly bent, reaching back into my back to fish out the 'anchors' I made, for lack of a better word. They're nothing close to standard -- you definitely wouldn't be able to find them in a store, that's for sure -- but they should be easy enough to insert and remove as we go, each one of them loaded with a clip to pass the rope through when they're needed.

"You're right. Where are my manners?" I reply with feigned concerned, a bright smile stretching across my face as I toss him the rest of the makeshift equipment. "Stick 'em in, I'll retrieve as we go -- and we'll ignore how dirty that sounds, please and thank you." Gesturing for him to go ahead, I continue, "Also, not a fang hag. I mean, I do know a couple of vampires, sorta, but I try not to think about them too much, because they sort of occupy a weird place in my whole worldview, yanno? Not quite magic, not quite science... It's-- It's a grey area. Or a red area, what with the whole... Blood... Thing."

[notawastedlife]

That was better. Leadership role, that seemed more fitting.

"I put it in, you pull out," Tony said, touching his forehead with one of the anchors -- or, at least, putting it close enough to his forehead to pass as a mock salute -- before he turned back to the cliff-face, putting his foot into a gap to push himself up.

"What about werewolves? Those work better than vampires, scientifically. People've done similar things with gamma radiation, close enough that I can believe in wolf-people. Triggered human cellular transformation."

[daretodo]

"Sucker," I mutter under my breath, smirking a little to myself. He might be going first, but his leadership is nominal; I'm the guy actually in charge, here, but if it gets him to cooperate, I'll let him think whatever he wants. It's less of a headache that way. Point goes to me, the sneakiest of superheroes.

"Know a Man-Wolf," I reply, pitching my voice loud enough for him to hear. "Not a bad guy, actually, once he got over the whole uncontrollable beast thing. He's an astronaut. First person I ever really saved. Went on to become Captain America's pilot for a while, pretended to be Spidey to get his old man off my back. You know, the usual." Then again, his powers weren't exactly gamma-based, were they? Not unless you can call some fancy red moonstone science, per se. Still, I don't know what it is, but while I accept that vampires obviously exist, having had enough run-ins with them over the years, the whole concept of them is just a little too oogie woogie for my tastes. "Of course, in Mary Jane's universe, she almost married the guy, and he was entirely normal. Funny how that--"

Stopping myself short, my eyes widen, finally cluing into the important part of what Tony mentioned. "Waitaminute, you just said gamma radiation! Does that mean you have the Hulk running around?"

[notawastedlife]

"Man-Wolf? What, was Wolf-Man already taken? Taking the trend-bucking approach- the who?" Tony said, looking for a spot to wedge an anchor in before climbing higher. "That the guy Thunderbolt's always buying special tech to go after? Now, there's a name that belongs on a superhero, wasted on a general."

[daretodo]

"Big, green, works a pair of purple stretch pants like you wouldn't believe," I prompt, stepping up to the rock. After a moment's consideration, I decide to give him a couple of more feet before I start, otherwise the temptation to overtake him, and just climb for fun'll probably be hard to dismiss. "C'mon, how do you have the Hulk running around, and not know about it? He's kinda hard to miss."

[notawastedlife]

"How do I- I am an exceptionally talented man, that's how," Tony said, looking down and frowning at Peter before attending to his climb again. "There was work being done with gamma radiation, there was an incident, Thunderbolt Ross has a bee in his britches about it. I don't remember anything about- stretch pants? Actually, that does seem a logical solution, but I question the aesthetics."

[daretodo]

"Um, no, unstable molecules seem like the logical solution," I say, like that much should be obvious even if I've never spoken to the Hulk's tailor, and I finally start up after him. It's not quite the same, having to actually hold onto a surface instead of just relying on my super-convenient stick 'em powers to keep me from falling, but this feels a lot more familiar to scaling a skyscraper than my adventures in tree climbing ever have, though there still are a few obvious differences.

"At least tell me you've heard of Bruce Banner? Guy's smart enough to give even you a run for your money."

[notawastedlife]

"Rings a bell," Tony said, pausing to work out a route that passed by handholds he deemed acceptable. He wasn't about to go clinging by his fingertips to this thing.

Well, not yet. He'd get a feel for it first.

"Not the bell where I'm running for my money, but I've heard the name. In the context of gamma radiation."

[daretodo]

"Yeah, well, the only person who could give you a run for your money in that particular bell is another version of you," I point out with a dry laugh.

"You're both at the top of your respective fields, that's what I was getting at. Difference is, your line of work led to a suit of armor, and his led to him becoming some sort of whackadoodle, modern day version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Banner's the Hulk."

[notawastedlife]

"...right. See, that's why mine is better," Tony said, shrugging slightly and then considering this was maybe not a gesture to be made while climbing, even if they weren't very high yet.

[daretodo]

"I dunno. In terms of sheer strength, he's got you beat by a mile," I reply, reminding myself to slow down a little. I'm not directly underneath him, but I'm still just a bit too close for comfort if he's going to be shrugging in the middle of a climb. "Trust me, that is not a guy you want to see angry. Makes your repulsors feel like a tickle."

[notawastedlife]

"No, mine's still better," Tony said, reaching a little to find the next handhold, hauling himself higher. "Am I turning into a monstrosity reminiscent of a classic work of literature? No? Then I think I have the superior option."

[daretodo]

"You do have control of your own mind most of the time," I allow with a nod. Truth be told, if I had to swap powers with one of them, I'd probably go for Tony's just for that reason alone; the Hulk's got a lot of raw power, don't get me wrong, but that it's raw is half the problem. Sure, sometimes he keeps his wits about him, but smarty pants Hulk is just one of his many not-all-that-delicious flavors. I'd definitely be better off wearing one of Iron Man's suits, even one of the antiquated versions.

"Fine. Iron Man trumps Hulk in terms of desirability, but I'd take my own abilities over both of yours any day of the week."