[for Tony] Look good! Look bad! Look fffffttz.

[daretodo]

Once in a while, I wonder what it would be like to be a normal person. What, I think to myself, would I do with my time if I didn't have friends who dragged me up to space stations or never got bit by a radioactive spider (only to lose all those abilities courtesy of a magical island) or didn't have a teenage girl wandering around with my face and the best head of hair in the extended clone family this side of Kaine? Mary Jane provides me with some sense of normalcy, sure, but even she's gotta be just a little wacky to put up with a nutcase like me and my circus of a life.

'Cause, see, when I look at all the crazy things I've done -- really stop to consider them -- it occurs to me that the most unbelievable thing I could ever hope to do is something so mundanely normal your Average Joe wouldn't even think about it twice. That's how far from the norm things are for regular ol' Peter Parker, even on a so-called blank slate. Still, with the pressing concern of Tony's palladium poisoning dealt with, Jessica and I in some sort of awkward holding pattern, and things with Mary Jane better than ever, it felt like the right sort of time to try my hand at one of the Island's more traditional activities. That I thought Tony could probably use a non-bar related distraction given everything that went down at the end of last month just happened to be a fortunate -- or not so fortunate, rather -- coincidence.

With beachside picnics, sunbathing, and strippers dismissed right off the bat, I suggested fishing as a possible alternative for our usual pastime. He, in turn, suggested we try at the dock instead of in a pond. So here we are on a sunny Friday afternoon, not tinkering around in a workshop, but instead sitting at the edge of a dock, our respective homemade fishing gear in hand, and waiting for the first of what'll surely be many bites, because it's fishing, and there's no way we can possibly fail, right?

We last maybe five minutes.

"...this was a terrible idea."

Comments

[daretodo]

"Um, no, unstable molecules seem like the logical solution," I say, like that much should be obvious even if I've never spoken to the Hulk's tailor, and I finally start up after him. It's not quite the same, having to actually hold onto a surface instead of just relying on my super-convenient stick 'em powers to keep me from falling, but this feels a lot more familiar to scaling a skyscraper than my adventures in tree climbing ever have, though there still are a few obvious differences.

"At least tell me you've heard of Bruce Banner? Guy's smart enough to give even you a run for your money."

[notawastedlife]

"Rings a bell," Tony said, pausing to work out a route that passed by handholds he deemed acceptable. He wasn't about to go clinging by his fingertips to this thing.

Well, not yet. He'd get a feel for it first.

"Not the bell where I'm running for my money, but I've heard the name. In the context of gamma radiation."

[daretodo]

"Yeah, well, the only person who could give you a run for your money in that particular bell is another version of you," I point out with a dry laugh.

"You're both at the top of your respective fields, that's what I was getting at. Difference is, your line of work led to a suit of armor, and his led to him becoming some sort of whackadoodle, modern day version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Banner's the Hulk."

[notawastedlife]

"...right. See, that's why mine is better," Tony said, shrugging slightly and then considering this was maybe not a gesture to be made while climbing, even if they weren't very high yet.

[daretodo]

"I dunno. In terms of sheer strength, he's got you beat by a mile," I reply, reminding myself to slow down a little. I'm not directly underneath him, but I'm still just a bit too close for comfort if he's going to be shrugging in the middle of a climb. "Trust me, that is not a guy you want to see angry. Makes your repulsors feel like a tickle."

[notawastedlife]

"No, mine's still better," Tony said, reaching a little to find the next handhold, hauling himself higher. "Am I turning into a monstrosity reminiscent of a classic work of literature? No? Then I think I have the superior option."

[daretodo]

"You do have control of your own mind most of the time," I allow with a nod. Truth be told, if I had to swap powers with one of them, I'd probably go for Tony's just for that reason alone; the Hulk's got a lot of raw power, don't get me wrong, but that it's raw is half the problem. Sure, sometimes he keeps his wits about him, but smarty pants Hulk is just one of his many not-all-that-delicious flavors. I'd definitely be better off wearing one of Iron Man's suits, even one of the antiquated versions.

"Fine. Iron Man trumps Hulk in terms of desirability, but I'd take my own abilities over both of yours any day of the week."

[notawastedlife]

"You'd take my intellect in a second," Tony scoffed, although he was still partly kidding, foot scrabbling a little before he found a solid hold. "Every day of the week. Maybe in addition to- you're that attached to the arachnid qualities? Given the choice, you'd be an insectoid."

[daretodo]

Okay, so he's got me there. I would take his intellect in a second, but while flying around in a glorified tank has its merits -- you're a lot less likely to get hurt, for one, and given my track record, that's something I might consider looking into here -- it's hard not to want to stand up for my powers. You know what they say about distance making the heart grow fonder.

"Dude, you would not believe how useful it is to be able to stick to things. Not to mention the workout you get just from swinging around. I mean, have you seen me? I am ripped. With my strength, speed, and agility, I could've landed a spot on any professional sports team I wanted."

[notawastedlife]

"Doesn't that count as artificial enhancement? You were all jacked up on spideroids," Tony said, "there's gotta be rules against- save the ripped talk for your wife, anyway. She probably knows and is more interested than- hey, so, actually, with your whole motif, do you guys have freaky spider sex, or what?"

[daretodo]

I snort hard enough that I'm amazed I don't let go of the rock in the process. A part of me's understandably mortified by the question, but given the sorts of things that regularly come out of Tony's mouth in all of their inappropriate glory, I can't say I'm especially surprised. I mean, jeez, it's been a whole five minutes since he said something awful. That's got to be some sort of record.

"Define freaky spider sex," I say dryly. "'Cause I'm not into ritualized dancing, if that's what you're asking."

[notawastedlife]

"What does- no, that's just nightclubs," Tony said. "I don't know, doing whatever a spider does. Are webs involved? If you knock her up, do you expect her to take a bite out of you?"

[daretodo]

Scratch that, I'm surprised.

"Oh my God, are you-- Mind reminding me why we're friends again?" I ask, incredulous.

[notawastedlife]

"You look up to my unparalleled intellectual capabilities and dashing good looks," Tony said, slipping a little as the next foothold he found turned out to not have that much hold to it already. "You're hoping some of it will rub off on- mind the-oh, it's gone," he said, as it fell.

[daretodo]

Only once I'm sure Tony's not about to suffer the same fate, I turn to watch as the rock falls past me, following its trajectory to the ground below.

"You keep forgetting the part where I actually know guys smarter than you," I reply, mouth twisting in a frown. Maybe the fishing idea was a bust, but these web harnesses might prove themselves necessary just yet, jeez Louise. "Not here, granted, but it's worth pointing out. Anyway--" I start climbing again, making sure to make a more diagonal route to steer clear from any more of Tony's castoffs. "--MJ's not gonna take a bite out of me. I mean, first of all, I'm pretty sure she's not a cannibal, and second of all, we are so not ready for kids. We don't exactly have room for a web sac, yanno?"

[notawastedlife]

"You keep saying it, I keep not buying it," Tony corrected, finding firmer footing and pushing ahead. "Different fields, maybe. Possibly. No, that makes sense, MJ isn't a Spider-Woman, the freaky spider in this equation would just be you. That part of the point... withdrawn."

[daretodo]

"Let's just say I've never had any complaints, and leave it at that," I say, rolling my eyes. "What about you, do you have freaky... Iron Man sex? Do ya pop on the helmet to make sure they aren't faking it? Is the arc reactor officially an erogenous zone?" A beat. "But no, seriously, how does that work, having a big metal thing popping out of your chest? That seems like kind of a mood killer."

[notawastedlife]

"It's not popping out," Tony said, in a tone of mild protest, "it juts. Slightly. It's never been a problem, it's... mood lighting. Plus, you know, the Energizer Bunny factor, I am battery powered. Ladies love that."

[daretodo]

"No, I used my fingers to climb walls," I say. "Ladies love that."

[notawastedlife]

"With the sticking? That seems more problematic than anything," Tony said, "I can see problems in that."

[daretodo]

"Please, it's not like I couldn't control what I stuck to," I scoff. "Nimble fingers trump batteries, trust me. It's all about the personal touch. You ever want to sleep with the same girl twice, you might wanna look into that, just saying. I assume you and Pepper haven't--?"

[notawastedlife]

"Being a gentleman, here," Tony said, this apparently not being disproved by the preceding conversation in any way. "Dates, and... dating things."

[daretodo]

"...wow, you're really hopeless, aren'tcha?" I say, giving his back a dubious look, as I pull myself up a few feet higher. "I mean, don't get me wrong, on the one hand, I'm glad, because hearing about Pepper in that context would sorta be like hearing about my Aunt May in that context, and that's just not a place I'm interested in going, but, uh, there's being a gentleman, and then there's dating things. What does that even mean, dating things? Not that I'm saying you should jump in bed -- I think you're going the right route, there, actually, you don't wanna mess that up -- but if you're hoping to impress her, I'd hope you have better game than that, c'mon. Did you do anything for Valentine's or did that get derailed by the Willy Wonka motif and the PSAs with your face on 'em?"

[notawastedlife]

"Dating things," Tony said, "things that the dating couple- it was never railed, greeting card holidays aren't romantic, and no one sells greeting cards."

[daretodo]

"...you forgot about it, didn't you?" I ask, pausing in my climb to prop my elbow on a rock that's jutting out, resting my chin in my hand as I look up. "That'd explain why some Thor wannabe won her in that charity auction, at least."